Gigli
written
and directed by Martin Brest
starring Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez
Saturday evening at Blockbusters was not an easy time for me – struggling
to choose a film that Simone and I might both enjoy. I chose Gigli because
it looked like it might, despite the presence of two seemingly superficial,
image-based actors, have a semblance of storyline or at the very least,
some action to hold our attention. There was always going to be a cheesy
romance thread, but I underestimated how poor and yet dominant it would
be!
If you want to watch the film and don’t want it spoilt, don’t
read any further. However, you’d be better off saving your money.
This is utter tat! That should be Tat, with a capital T.
The two main characters, Gigli and Ricki (Affleck and Lopez) are hench-men
who, neither being particularly good at what they do, are set up by their
joint boss to do the same job so as to allow for each others lack of competence/reliability.
Their job – to kidnap and hold hostage the brother of a Federal
District Attorney in order to extort a favourable verdict for their boss’s
client. The task is made harder because the hostage is mentally disabled.
Gigli is a bit of a sad-case with no friends, no life and no prospects.
Ricki is a confident and attractive opposite to Gigli (don’t expect
any more complicated character traits – Lopez’ acting ability
doesn’t stretch that far). Attractive is the important adjective.
Making the most of her trademark bottom and various other feminine attributes,
Ricki is the ultimate frustration for Gigli, responding to his advances
with the bombshell that she is, in fact, a lesbian. [As a mark of how
poor this film is, I have to note here that Simone and I laughed and didn’t
actually believe this until later in the film when her partner turns up.]
This ‘romantic tension’ is the hinge for the storyline. Ricki
embarks upon a mission of transformation, helping Gigli to find and engage
with his softer, gentle, more tender, feminine side.
That’s about it. The combination of a mentally disabled hostage
who induces compassion and the lure of an unobtainable woman who just
might respond if only he can connect with that feminine side, are the
factors around which the writers and producers of this film thought they’d
get away it. Even Affleck and Lopez must be able to do better than this,
though I’m sure the movie wouldn’t have done half as well
as it has without them. Do I need to bother to tell you that, surprisingly
enough (!) Gigli and Lopez end up together? But it gets worse –
the film ends with them driving off into the sun.
On the Tesco Cheese strength/flavour scale, this movie has to score a
full five out of five!
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